First time for everything



Today is frustrating. I am still waking up with a headache and with an overall ache in my body. It’s unrealistic, I know, to think that one day I will wake up feeling great, but damn, I was hoping it would be getting a lot better by now.

My first appointment with a counselor is today at 1:00 and I am feeling extremely nervous. I went to a therapist once, for an eating disorder. This particular individual apparently believed this was not a mental health issue, this was a simple education issue. They gave me a packet with lists of healthy foods and eating habits and sent me on my way. I never went back. Needless to say, I don’t hold a lot of hope in therapy.

The counselor I have found is a good one, I am thankful. She called me out on a couple of things already. I am liking myself less and less the more sober I am, but she made a good point. If you refuse to genuinely see and acknowledge the darkness of yourself, you will never fully be able to be your true, genuine light. I have known for years I didn’t want to dig deep because of so many aspects of myself I was trying to kill off. This will be good in the long run I know. I can’t hold my head up yet.

Tonight was family night and we did the personality color test. It was interesting. There was a lot of laughter. I am grateful for that today. I am mostly blue and white, with some yellow left over. Zero red in this girl. Dave is white and blue. I think those two make a good match. Even in that exercise I realized some personality traits I have that are not my favorite parts of me. My focus needs to be on the positives and helping them grow, still all the while understanding all the aspects of me. 

I put a link at the top of this post that has the color code test. It’s a fun thing to do.

One response to “First time for everything”

  1. I did that color test in college. I am mostly White, with a bit of equal parts blue and yellow. Zero Red for me, too!

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