If I make it to 60


This morning I sent my oldest off to work and then straight to his dad’s. His dad has more spare time on his hands than me. He can devote more time and energy to him. It’s our hope that the distance from his friends and the wonderful influence his dad can be will help put some thoughtfulness and clarity in our child’s mind. His dad is also better at the ‘Come to Jesus’ moment he needs right now.

I have kept myself moving all morning. Got almost halfway through the garage and did some grocery shopping. Today will be the first family event I will be going to sober in over ten years. My Nana’s side of the family, basically a lot of people I either don’t know or won’t be able to recollect having met. Should be fun…. I would do just about anything for my mom though, and this is important to her….and Nana, I am sure. It will take some hours out of the day, and that is good.

Driving past the liquor store yesterday, Friday, my youngest looked at me with a worried face, reached over, and gently rubbed my shoulder. “I know it’s hard mom.” That boy is so in touch with the energy that surrounds him and he is genuinely concerned about those he loves. Both my boys are that way. I told him thank you and tried to help him understand. “Pretend that building is where they made Mike and Ike’s and you couldn’t go inside and eat them anymore. Or that you couldn’t have any candy anymore. That would be hard, right?” His response was in his face first, the expression of surprise and concern. “That WOULD be hard!!!” This was a very real moment for me as well. It’s like I’m a child that just got their candy taken away because I didn’t know how to stop eating before I threw up. I sure do miss that candy though.

Sunday I went to a movie with a dear friend. I was so mad about the fact I couldn’t have a road soda. I, in all honesty, cannot think of the last time I went to a movie theater sober. “Just think, you can remember the movie better now….” That thought didn’t help too much, just made me more angry. So I decided to help myself out. Last time I took a break from drinking, it was so much easier due to the end date I was getting to. So I gave myself an end date. If I make it to the age of 60, I’m giving myself permission to drink. By that time, I deserve it. 🙂 It may sound ridiculous, but it helped. Now I have an end date.

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