This past weekend and week was a hard couple of days. I didn’t really have the mental energy to write, which I am sure didn’t help my situation. I made it through without a drink though and accomplished kind of a lot. Cleaned out part of the garage, started an art project, and didn’t lose my mind…completely.
Last night at group, something really resonated with me. As we said farewell to one of the graduates, he mentioned another member had given him some great advice a couple weeks ago. The advice was to, instead of focusing his energy on all the changes he was having to make and all the things he couldn’t do anymore, focus the energy on all the things he is now able to do because he isn’t so weighed down from the substance. I have been so focused on how different my life is now and so worried about how many things I am having to give up that I haven’t given my mind a chance to appreciate all the doors being sober is actually beginning to open. This process, so far, reminds me a lot of the grieving process I seem to go through whenever I lose someone I love. The range of emotions are truly a roller coaster. Anger, frustration, hopelessness. But I have always been the kind of person to see the silver lining in any situation as well. I think the biggest difference I am noticing right now is that I am not just shoving all the shitty feelings down with those silver linings. I am allowing myself to truly feel the hard feelings. I am acknowledging them, letting them run their coarse, and thanks to the advice shared last night, I feel I am at a point where I can start applying the silver lining part of my personality.