Well, I have successfully completed my 8 week program, completely sober. I wasn’t positive today would be my last because of the holiday this week but it was a pleasant surprise to see my name up on the board when I walked in. Our regular group counselor wasn’t there today and I was given the option to coin on on Monday, but I was ready. Not having my counselor there was a bummer but I will go to aftercare Monday and stop in to tell her thank you for all she has taught me.
It’s always an interesting thing, looking back at something you have put so much time and energy into. Always seems, by the end of it, that it has gone faster than you thought it would, even though in the thick of it, the end sight seemed an eternity away. I feel a tiny sting of sadness now that it’s over. I am incredibly grateful to have my evenings back to spend time with my family and get things done around the house, but there was a comfort that program brought me every day. There is something special that happens when you get a bunch of misfits together that truly understand each others struggles, fears, hopes, trials and demons.
As they passed around my coin tonight, the words they each said filled my heart with gratitude and humility. It seemed a common, genuine, feeling that they all felt very comfortable with me, from the very beginning. For anyone who knows me well, you know why this meant the world to me. I am so glad that I could bring even the tiniest bit of comfort to those in such a vulnerable, hard, sometimes frightening, place.
Now it’s time to shift the majority of my focus to manning the ship I’ve been navigating solo through the stormy seas of depression since I was a child. I am so grateful for the therapist I have found, I feel she has a good sense of direction. I know this will be a much longer journey than the program I just finished. Figuring out how to deal with something I have suppressed since I was 10 won’t be easy, but I know now that it will be worth it.
It’s also time to rebuild some relationships I have had to put on the back burner through all of this. Strengthening these and spending more time with my family will be so nice. I have missed my people.
I will close this post with the prayer we closed each meeting with.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Keep coming back ’cause it works if you work it ’cause you’re fuckin’ worth it!