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Ebbs and Flows
The last couple weeks have been incredibly difficult to maneuver through. Every time I feel like my feet are planted firmly, a huge wave of depression comes and sucks the sand out from underneath me, sending me tumbling into a washing machine of anxiety and despair. It has been incredibly frustrating. I miss the speed and…
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Coined On
Well, I have successfully completed my 8 week program, completely sober. I wasn’t positive today would be my last because of the holiday this week but it was a pleasant surprise to see my name up on the board when I walked in. Our regular group counselor wasn’t there today and I was given the…
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Lesson learned
Today has been a particularly rough one. It’s a Sunday evening, we have had some thunderstorms and all I have wanted to do is sit outside with a cocktail. I can taste the vodka and it’s super irritating. It’s a good thing it’s Sunday. This is one of the few times I’ve found myself happy…
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Art Therapy, Therapy, and Farewells
Last night turned out to be an incredibly needed experience for me. It was the first time I had done art therapy with this group and I didn’t know what to expect exactly, I was just excited to be doing art. Since I have gotten out of the hospital I have thought so much about…
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Anxiety Hangover
I am emotionally and physically drained today. It’s amazing how beat up your body and mind feel after a day full of anxiety. This disorder is one that takes a very real tole on your whole self. It feels a lot like the day after a rough flu, or a bad hangover, when you’re still…
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Hope
This week has been exhausting. Group on Monday was different. Our usual counselor wasn’t there and the energy of the person who filled in was nothing like what I am used to in that intimate setting. There was something that was pointed out and it made me think a lot. I had been having a…
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Keep on baby stepping
5/14/16 No group yesterday and for the first time, it felt a little easier to make it through my day. It helped that work was non stop and so was my evening. Going with the family to dinner with Dave’s parents which is always fun, and watching a movie when we got home. My day…
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Family night
5/10/16 Tonight was family night and I took my therapists advice by inviting my parents to come. This was way out of my comfort zone giving them a window to this part of my world. Pretty sure my blood pressure was in the danger zone most of the day and the whole class. It was good…
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Mother’s Day and Step One
5/9/16 Yesterday was Mother’s Day. There’s no way of saying this without sounding like a narcissist, but it was hard for me. I realize it was about a billion other mothers, but it was rough for me. It was hard to see others so happy being celebrated when I feel like such a piece of…
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Rough days… Good thing there’s Cavalia.
5/7/16 The silver lining over the last week or so has been hard to see. Pain and frustration have been thick and I haven’t wanted to write at all. There is a pain in my side I have never felt before. After an x-ray, the doctor told me there is some sort of lump in…