4/18/16

Another Monday. I didn’t do half of the things I meant to this weekend, but that’s ok. I did go for a nice walk with a good friend Sunday and made it through about half of the pile in the garage. Getting rid of things sometimes is really hard for me. I know memories are’t kept in material things, but I’m always afraid that I will regret it later if I let them go.

My headache is recurring every morning and it’s a nasty one. If this s a side effect of a medication, my patience is already worn out with that. If I’m gonna feel hung over every morning without drinking, I am not going to be a pleasant person. I finally got an appointment with a therapist on Tuesday so I can try and figure out meds then.

Group was good tonight. Everyone seemed like they were in a positive mood and we all laughed a lot. It is amazing to me how many times when someone is talking I am thinking, “That is 100% me!” I did have a heart wrenching realization of how I have neglected being truly present for my children for so many years. Even when my oldest was young, and I would go outside to let him play, it was never without a drink in my hand. My children have always been well cared for in the physical sense, but I have failed miserably in so many other areas. Sober contemplation of these facts is crushing. I can’t even imagine how ripped off my boys feel. This thread I am pulling at is a painful one.